yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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