Don't you send me to vm
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
