If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
