This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
