ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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