She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
