I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
