I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
