Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
