I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
