Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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