Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
