Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
