Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
