we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
