Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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