Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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