..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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