i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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