you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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