I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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