Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
