I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
