And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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