Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
