do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
