Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
