Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
