he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
