I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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