you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
