Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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