last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
