i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
