He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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