weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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