Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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