so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
