She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
