i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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