:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
