wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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