my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
