Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
