You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
