Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
pop tarts are not kleenex
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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