I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
