i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
