I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
