Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
