Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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