i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
